If you would like to take this as an anti-Halloween article, please do. I want to discuss the top 15 Halloween costumes we need to retire this year. Please do NOT dress up as any of these at a party, or trick-or-treating – you could be so much more creative!
15. Hippies – A costume that I truly hate is hippies. Maybe I just have bad memories from my failed Freshmen Rock Rivalry entrance, which was hippie-themed, but hippies are not a fun costume. Nobody looks good in bell bottom jeans or brown. The tassels make you look like a failed cowboy costume, and the glasses are hideous. Frizzy hair is also not fun, who wants their head to feel unbalanced and take up more room than Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory after she ate the 3 course dinner gum and inflated.
14. Pacman Ghosts – Why are we poorly cutting up shirts and drawing faces on them? We’re not in Kindergarten anymore. I hope I do not see any of these lazy Pacman ghost costumes this year.
13. M&Ms – I really do not understand this costume. Why are we taking the Pacman ghost costume and putting an “M” on it to call ourselves M&M’s? It’s not cute. Let’s try something new this year. If you want to incorporate M&M’s, be a movie theatre floor. Wear all black and stick popcorn, candy wrappers, and pieces of gum to yourself. It’s quirky, it’s not your average costume, I approve.
12. Ghostbusters – Some people might be disappointed with this one, but the Ghostbusters need to go. It’s a classic, but people have just ruined it. Little kids can be exempt from this, but anybody from ages 10 and up should no longer wear this costume. Just watch the movie instead of trying to be the movie.
11. Witches – Every suburban mom’s favorite costume. All you really need is a witch hat and black clothing. And when Karen goes wild and paints her face green, it’s all over. But seriously, let’s end it this year.
10. Hogwarts Student – If you’re going for a Harry Potter costume be either all in or all out. I am a Harry Potter fan myself, but nobody wants to see this costume this year.
9. Political Figures – The masks of Donald Trump, Joe Biden, or even Hillary Clinton are not funny. They’re overpriced and again, you could do so much better! There are plenty of more creative costumes you could come up with, and if you must be a political figure, go as Kai Anderson from American Horror Story season 7.
8. Holiday Figures – Hot and heavy in number 8 is anything that pertains to a different holiday. I do not want to see any turkeys, Santas, Easter Bunnies or Leprechauns. What season is it? Did I get the date wrong? I’m confused. Let’s take the year one holiday at a time.
7. The Angel/Devil Duo – Sorry girls, but this one is for you. Very easy costume to put together and feels last minute. Try being TV characters for a duo costume, or celebrities that are friends like, oh I don’t know, Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez?
6. Zombies – A quite obvious costume. Low-effort, and unentertaining. When I was a zombie 6 years ago, it was cute, but I was adorable so everything was cute. You can only do so much with a $3.99 container of fake blood from CVS and your dad’s old ripped clothes.
5. The Scream – Another obvious one. The only thing MTV still has going for them is the VMAs. We’re done with the Scream costume; it has been exacerbated. And yes, that still means those of you that have the mask that pumps fake blood when you push the button. Sorry millennials, but MTV is over!
4. Vampire – That’s it. Vampire costumes are OVER! While some get creative, it is the easiest costume to think of, easiest to find, and the cheapest thing to find at Spirit Halloween. Let’s put in a little time and effort this year – get rid of the vampire costumes. And while we’re at it, let’s retire the vampire hunter as well.
3. Cats – I’m very disappointed to still see people wearing this costume. If you dress up as any sort of cat, please go home. Very low effort, very not fun, just boring. Why be a cat when there are inflatable chicken, cow, and dinosaur costumes that are much more fun to look at? I’m convinced this costume is just an excuse for people to dress in something a little risqué.
2. Athletes – I’m not happy to admit that I rocked this costume a few years in a row, but this year we must put an end to it. Wearing nothing but a jersey is not cool. We get it. You watch sports, but I could have figured that out talking to you for 5 minutes. Why not be the mascot of a sports team, at the very least?
1. Robbers – I truly cannot think of a worse costume to take the #1 spot. If you wear this costume you just really hate Halloween. The most low effort, no fun, lazy, and vibe killing costume you can wear is the “candy robber”, or just putting on all black and walking around with a pillow case. If you dress up as a candy robber and come to my house you will not be getting any candy, in fact I will take candy from you. We need to retire this costume immediately.